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October 12, 2004

A Deep Theological Question

By Jim Dallas

From an instant messenger conversation just now:

Jim D: Can I ask you a question?

Friend: Sure.

JD: Well... I'm just checkin' here since I had a rather weird dream. But the End Times haven't happened yet, have they?

Friend: I guess it all depends on one's definition of "End Times" :p

JD: Heh ok

JD: Well, I had this dream where Jesus comes back and pretty much everybody gets decided upon pretty quickly. It's really wonderful. No long lines or nothing.

JD: So anyhow I'm at the back of the line

JD: And some other person, who i couldn't identify

JD: And so of course we get there to be a judged eternally by Jesus. And He can't make up his mind.

Friend: That's strange. I think I had a dream kinda like that once.

JD: So I'm like: Whoa, Jesus, I respect You and all, You being my Lord and Savior Who fills my heart with joy. But isn't it obvious! Split the time between heaven and hell! If that's what I got to do to bask in your magnificence, I'll do it!

JD: I love you, Lord, but You're kind of being a putz right now! Was kind of the effect of my outbust.

JD: So anyhow after this I wake up

JD: And as far as I can tell this isn't hell. This is Houston.

JD: So maybe this is some kind of karmic lesson. It's a mystery inside of a riddle inside of an enigma.

JD: OK, thank you for confirming this for me.

Friend: I always kinda imagined Houston to be like hell. : )

JD: Yeah but we have the Astros

Friend: lol, ok, maybe purgatory : )

JD: Hehe, maybe an eternity in Houston would be splitting the difference. :-D

Friend: that would be funny if purgatory was kinda like being enslaved, but all your sports team kicked ass!

Posted by Jim Dallas at October 12, 2004 09:32 PM | TrackBack


So a Houstonian dies and goes to hell. There he meets the Dark Lord who asks him how he's enjoying his stay in eternal damnation. The Houstonian says it's actually somewhat homey. It reminds hime of Houston in June. Satan is appalled and immediately raises the temperature and humidity. He storms back over to the Houstonian who says "Eh, it's like Houston in July." Again the Dark Lord is outraged and cranks the archaic thermostat up as high as it will go. The humidity is maxed out as well. Satan himself is having a difficult time breathing. He looks over and he sees the Houstonian sitting in a lawnchair enjoying a beer. "It's like Houston in August," he says. Satan is furious. He then decides to turn the tables and turn off all the heat, making the place well below freezing. He looks for the Houstonian to bask in his misery. He finds him jumping up and down screaming: "The Astros won the World Series! The Astros won the World Series!"

Posted by: brooks at October 13, 2004 09:41 AM
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