Burnt Orange Report

I'd link to this but i have no idea where it originated. It came to me as email. Certainly on this Blog it will be recognized as such, but it was sent out with an all-caps warning that it was a "spoof". It has quite a few subtle shadings in it.

"REPUBLICANISM SHOWN TO BE GENETIC IN ORIGIN"

"Los Angeles _ The discovery that affiliation with the Republican Party is
genetically determined announced by scientists in the current issue of the
journal NURTURE has caused uproar among traditionalists who believe it is a
chosen lifestyle. Reports of the gene coding for political conservatism,
discovered after a decades-long study of quintuplets in Orange County, CA,
has sent shock waves through the medical, political, and golfing
communities.

"Psychologists and psychoanalysts have long believed that Republicans'
unnatural disregard for the poor and frequently unconstitutional tendencies
resulted from dysfunctional family dynamics -- a remarkably high percentage
of Republicans do have authoritarian domineering fathers and emotionally
distant mothers who didn't teach them how to be kind and gentle. Biologists
have long suspected that conservatism is inherited.

"After all," said one author of the NURTURE article, "It's quite common for
a Republican to have a brother or sister who is a Republican." The finding
has been greeted with relief by Parents and Friends of Republicans (PFREP),
who sometimes blame themselves for the political views of otherwise lovable
children, family, and unindicted co-conspirators.

"One mother, a longtime Democrat, wept and clapped her hands in ecstasy on
hearing of the findings. "I just knew it was genetic," she said, seated with
her two sons, both avowed Republicans. "My boys would never freely choose
that lifestyle!" When asked what the Republican lifestyle was, she said,
"You can just tell watching their conventions in Houston and San Diego on
TV: the flaming xenophobia, flamboyant demagogy, disdain for anyone not
rich, you know."

"Both sons had suspected their Republicanism from an early age but did not
confirm it until they were in college, when they became convinced it wasn't
just a phase they were going through.

"The NURTURE article offered no response to the suggestion that the high
incidence of Republicanism among siblings could result from their sharing
not only genes but also psychological and emotional attitude as products of
the same parents and family dynamics.

"A remaining mystery is why many Democrats admit to having voted Republican
at least once -- or often dream or fantasize about doing so. Polls show
that three out of five adult Democrats have had a Republican experience,
although most outgrow teenage experimentation with Republicanism.

"Some Republicans hail the findings as a step toward eliminating
conservophobia. They argue that since Republicans didn't "choose" their
lifestyle any more than someone "chooses" to have a ski-jump nose, they
shouldn't be denied civil rights which other minorities enjoy.

"If conservatism is not the result of stinginess or orneriness (typical
stereotypes attributed to Republicans) but is something Republicans can't
help, there's no reason why society shouldn't tolerate Republicans in the
military or even high elected office -- provided they don't flaunt their political
beliefs.

"For many Americans, the discovery opens a window on a different future. In a
few years, gene therapy might eradicate Republicanism altogether.

"But should they be allowed to marry?"