Burnt Orange Report


News, Politics, and Fun From Deep in the Heart of Texas







Support the TDP!





September 12, 2003

A Modest Proposal

By Jim Dallas

We're coming up on another election year, and not soon enough. Recent polling shows the President's approval rating falling through the floor. Unfortunately, the public doesn't think very much of us Democrats, either.

Millions of Americans wake up every morning asking themselves what possessed them to vote for our "whistle-ass" President and their less-than-lovable congresscritters (did I mention Congressional approval is back down into the 30s or low 40s?). Your friends, your neighbors, maybe even YOU, are struck with phenomenal guilt. Everytime they look at their children, they become overwhelmed with angst for having put those "no-talent assclowns" in office.

We at the Burnt Orange Report would like to believe that this won't be the case. We try to be idealists, honest (and this is why we're supporting Dr. Howard Dean for President.).

But we know that national politicians seem to have a profound knack for bringing along disappointment, regardless of age, gender, or party.

This is why I propose that our government do something to give the American people a reason to vote again. To wit, I propose that the federal government give every eligible voter a big bottle of tequila (and in those left coast hippie states where it wouldn't be frowned upon, a bag of weed).

I call it the Conscience Protection Program. Our motto: "Vote Early, Vote Often, But never, ever, ever Vote Sober."

Some may ask if this is a bit extreme; others may suggest it could lead to really bad decisions (as a totally hypothetical example, electing Arnold Schwarzenegger governor of California - my the electorate would have to really be tripping the light fantastic to do something like that!).

But given the law of large numbers, the totally random votes of a totally stoned voting public ought to give us the right choice.

(Which - Jesus be praised! - happens to be George W. Bush, by order of the United States Supreme Court.)

No more morning-after guilt. No more blaming yourself for driving the country off the cliff. The Conscience Protection Program.

Bottoms up, America!

UPDATE: Because I'm sure I've heard this joke before, I did a search on the Google. I found this prescription for guilt-less voting, but I also found this interesting (real) article:

It will be two pints of lager and a ballot paper please in Norway this year after a change in the law allowing voters to get drunk and then go out to vote.

"The election board can no longer refuse anyone to vote because they are intoxicated," an adviser at the Local Government Ministry said this week.

Until now, Norway's election law has denied entry to polling stations anyone with "seriously impaired judgment" or "reduced consciousness" from booze, but that law has been scrapped, adviser Steinar Dalbakk told the Bladet Tromsoe newspaper.

But Norwegians will have to sober up again for the 2005 general elections. Politicians - possibly fearing the effects of a political hangover - have re-enacted the law banning drunken voting.

The new law will however not take effect until after September's local government polls.

This ought to be an interesting test-bed for my proposal, which could even perhaps inspire an entire policy paper.

Or not.

I think I was also subconsciously influenced to post this because of the late Atlanta Journal-Constitution columnist Lewis Grizzard (a hero of mine), who once suggested a similar plan to overcome the fear of flying.

Posted by Jim Dallas at September 12, 2003 03:09 AM | TrackBack

Comments
Post a comment









Remember personal info?








March 2005
Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
    1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31    


About Us
About/Contact
Advertising Policies

Donate

Tip Jar!



Archives
Recent Entries
Categories
BOR Edu.
University of Texas
University Democrats

BOR News
The Daily Texan
The Statesman
The Chronicle

BOR Politics
DNC
DNC Blog: Kicking Ass
DSCC
DSCC Blog: From the Roots
DCCC
DCCC Blog: The Stakeholder
Texas Dems
Travis County Dems

U.S. Rep. Lloyd Doggett
State Sen. Gonzalo Barrientos
State Rep. Dawnna Dukes
State Rep. Elliott Naishtat
State Rep. Eddie Rodriguez
State Rep. Mark Strama
Linked to BOR!
Alexa Rating
Truth Laid Bear Ecosystem
Technoranti Link Cosmos
Blogstreet Blogback
Polling
American Research Group
Annenberg Election Survey
Gallup
Polling Report
Rasmussen Reports
Survey USA
Zogby
Texas Stuff
A Little Pollyana
Austin Bloggers
DFW Bogs
DMN Blog
In the Pink Texas
Inside the Texas Capitol
The Lasso
Pol State TX Archives
Quorum Report Daily Buzz
George Strong Political Analysis
Texas Law Blog
Texas Monthly
Texas Observer
TX Dem Blogs
100 Monkeys Typing
Alandwilliams.com
Alt 7
Annatopia
Appalachia Alumni Association
Barefoot and Naked
BAN News
Betamax Guillotine
Blue Texas
Border Ass News
The Daily DeLay
The Daily Texican
Dos Centavos
Drive Democracy Easter Lemming
Esoterically
Get Donkey
Greg's Opinion
Half the Sins of Mankind
Jim Hightower
Houtopia
Hugo Zoom
Latinos for Texas
Off the Kuff
Ones and Zeros
Panhandle Truth Squad
Aaron Peña's Blog
People's Republic of Seabrook
Pink Dome
The Red State
Rhetoric & Rhythm
Rio Grande Valley Politics
Save Texas Reps
Skeptical Notion
Something's Got to Break
Southpaw
Stout Dem Blog
The Scarlet Left
Tex Prodigy
ToT
View From the Left
Yellow Doggeral Democrat
TX GOP Blogs
Beldar Blog
Blogs of War
Boots and Sabers
Dallas Arena
Jessica's Well
Lone Star Times
Publius TX
Safety for Dummies
The Sake of Arguement
Slightly Rough
Daily Reads
&c.
ABC's The Note
Atrios
BOP News
Daily Kos
Media Matters
MyDD
NBC's First Read
Political State Report
Political Animal
Political Wire
Talking Points Memo
CBS Washington Wrap
Wonkette
Matthew Yglesias
College Blogs
CDA Blog
Get More Ass (Brown)
Dem Apples (Harvard)
KU Dems
U-Delaware Dems
UNO Dems
Stanford Dems
GLBT Blogs
American Blog
BlogActive
Boi From Troy
Margaret Cho
Downtown Lad
Gay Patriot
Raw Story
Stonewall Dems
Andrew Sullivan
More Reads
Living Indefinitely
Blogroll Burnt Orange!
BOR Webrings
< ? Texas Blogs # >
<< ? austinbloggers # >>
« ? MT blog # »
« ? MT # »
« ? Verbosity # »
Election Returns
CNN 1998 Returns
CNN 2000 Returns
CNN 2002 Returns
CNN 2004 Returns

state elections 1992-2005

bexar county elections
collin county elections
dallas county elections
denton county elections
el paso county elections
fort bend county elections
galveston county elections
harris county elections
jefferson county elections
tarrant county elections
travis county elections


Texas Media
abilene
abilene reporter news

alpine
alpine avalanche

amarillo
amarillo globe news

austin
austin american statesman
austin chronicle
daily texan online
keye news (cbs)
kut (npr)
kvue news (abc)
kxan news (nbc)
news 8 austin

beaumont
beaumont enterprise

brownsville
brownsville herald

college station
the battalion (texas a&m)

corpus christi
corpus christi caller times
kris news (fox)
kztv news (cbs)

crawford
crawford lone star iconoclast

dallas-fort worth
dallas morning news
dallas observer
dallas voice
fort worth star-telegram
kdfw news (fox)
kera (npr)
ktvt news (cbs)
nbc5 news
wfaa news (abc)

del rio
del rio news herald

el paso
el paso times
kdbc news (cbs)
kfox news (fox)
ktsm (nbc)
kvia news (abc)

galveston
galveston county daily news

harlingen
valley morning star

houston
houston chronicle
houston press
khou news (cbs)
kprc news (nbc)
ktrk news (abc)

laredo
laredo morning times

lockhart
lockhart post-register

lubbock
lubbock avalanche journal

lufkin
lufkin daily news

marshall
marshall news messenger

mcallen
the monitor

midland - odessa
midland reporter telegram
odessa american

san antonio
san antonio express-news

seguin
seguin gazette-enterprise

texarkana
texarkana gazette

tyler
tyler morning telegraph

victoria
victoria advocate

waco
kxxv news (abc)
kwtx news (cbs)
waco tribune-herald

weslaco
krgv news (nbc)

statewide
texas cable news
texas triangle


World News
ABC News
All Africa News
Arab News
Atlanta Constitution-Journal
News.com Australia
BBC News
Bloomberg
Boston Globe
CBS News
Chicago Tribune
Christian Science Monitor
CNN
Denver Post
FOX News
Google News
The Guardian
Inside China Today
International Herald Tribune
Japan Times
LA Times
Mexico Daily
Miami Herald
MSNBC
New Orleans Times-Picayune
New York Times
El Pais (Spanish)
Salon
San Francisco Chronicle
Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Slate
Times of India
Toronto Star
Wall Street Journal
Washington Post



Powered by
Movable Type 3.15